Ugh!!!!

Last night we got some bad news on the adoption front. The ministry in Korea is not processing any Emigration Permits for the month of June and will not resume until late July.

The update got worse as it continued on. Our agency will be running out of permits sooner rather then later.

What does that mean?????

The chances of us having James home before his first birthday are pretty much gone. The chances of us having him home with us this year are pretty much slim to none. The reality is that we need a miracle.

When we started the process we never thought that the permit situation would get like this.

We love James so much already. He is a part of our family even though we have yet to meet. I have carried the idea of him since we started this process and I have carried him in my heart from the first moment I saw his picture.

This process has been very much like my pregnancy with Zoey in so many ways. We dreamed of her before we conceived her. As we carried her we dreamed of what life would be like, what she would be like, how should we look, and our hearts grew as we waited for her. Then she was born and she was taken away to the NICU and the hour they made me wait to see her was an eternity. I sat by her incubator each day watching and waiting to bring my baby girl home.

What is so different is that the moment she was born she was with me. I might not have been able to take her home but I was able to sit by her side and watch her sleep hour after hour. She soon came home and I have never gone a day without seeing her sweet face.

The moment I saw James' picture I felt as if I was sitting in the hospital bed and the doctor held him up and said It's a boy. He was my son. I loved him from that very moment. Each day, the love grows stronger even though he is on the other side of the world. Each day I wake up and feel like a piece of me is missing, a piece of my family, and dream about the day I will hold him in my arms forever.

So now, with the real possibility that James may not come home this year, my spirit is down and my heart is hurting. I do not want to miss another day, another birthday, another holiday. We have missed so many milestones and I don't want to continue to miss so many more.

I want the others that I have met on this journey to have their babies home too.

I want to hold my baby.

I want both my babies under one roof.

I want my family together forever.... soon.

Please continue to pray with me - we need a Miracle!