Last Day in Korea

It's Thursday in Seoul, the last day that James will be spending with his foster family....

Thinking about it is almost gut wrenching and brings tears to me eyes...

Adoption is hard...beautiful, but hard.

When I was in Korea last month I could see the love in her eyes as we both sat inside that

small little room at Holt looking at the little boy that we both cared about and loved so much.

She had a natural glow as she told me about my son, the son that she had the chance to know all these months and I wanted to know more about. She told me about the nickname her husband gave him because he was strong and that his favorite blanket was the one I sent in the very first care package after learning that James was going to be my son.

To see the two of them together was hard because I knew that the time they had left together was limited. That pretty soon my son was going to lose the person that cared for him, comforted him and loved him so very much for over a year. He was going to lose his Omma.

After a few hours with James I didn't know how I was going to say goodbye. The tears fell down my cheeks and my heart felt like a knife went through it. It took every ounce of strength to carry my sleeping little boy back into the agency and place him back into Omma's arms. I watched her walk back out of the agency with him and i didn't know how I would make it another minute without him, let alone 4-8 more weeks.

It hurt to be in Seoul and not be with my baby. It hurt to get back on the plane and know that the big blue ocean would seperate us again. I can't imagine how his foster mother must feel knowing that in another day it will be time to say goodbye and that big ocean will seperate her from the little boy she loves so much.  I wish her last day with James is everything she could hope for and more. I wish that she  finds comfort knowing how much he is loved already and how thankful we are that she loved our little boy and cared for him while we were waiting.

My heart is hurting tonight for James too. He loves his Omma so much. He trusts her and finds comfort in her and pretty soon his world is going to be turned upside down and she wont't be there. That thought hurts - big time. I love this little boy so much that I do not want him to know the pain of a loss like this. I pray that he can find some comfort in me as he grieves the loss of the life he once had. I pray that his heart heals quickly when he feels the abundant love that we have for him already.

Sweet boy, you are so loved.

Please keep James,  his foster mother and foster family in your prayers. Pray for them both to have peace in their hearts as they say goodbye to one another. Pray that James travels safely to America and that his pain isnt too great as he leaves the land of the morning calm. Please pray for his transition and attachment to us, his new forever family.

Sweet baby James,

This is it - The last time you will say goodbye to a family.  

I know that by the time I hold you in my arms on Friday you will have already had three mothers... a birthmother who gave you the greatest gift - life.... your first foster mother who rocked you, fed you, and sat by your side when you were hospitalized for some tummy issues when you were just three months old...and then your second foster monther who you spent over a year with... who has been there to see you grow into a little boy...who watched you crawl, roll over, and was there for your very first step.

I am your fourth mama - your forever mama.

I might not have had the last twenty months with you but I get every single tomorrow from Friday until eternity.

" I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living my baby you'll be."