Ugh!!!!

Last night we got some bad news on the adoption front. The ministry in Korea is not processing any Emigration Permits for the month of June and will not resume until late July.

The update got worse as it continued on. Our agency will be running out of permits sooner rather then later.

What does that mean?????

The chances of us having James home before his first birthday are pretty much gone. The chances of us having him home with us this year are pretty much slim to none. The reality is that we need a miracle.

When we started the process we never thought that the permit situation would get like this.

We love James so much already. He is a part of our family even though we have yet to meet. I have carried the idea of him since we started this process and I have carried him in my heart from the first moment I saw his picture.

This process has been very much like my pregnancy with Zoey in so many ways. We dreamed of her before we conceived her. As we carried her we dreamed of what life would be like, what she would be like, how should we look, and our hearts grew as we waited for her. Then she was born and she was taken away to the NICU and the hour they made me wait to see her was an eternity. I sat by her incubator each day watching and waiting to bring my baby girl home.

What is so different is that the moment she was born she was with me. I might not have been able to take her home but I was able to sit by her side and watch her sleep hour after hour. She soon came home and I have never gone a day without seeing her sweet face.

The moment I saw James' picture I felt as if I was sitting in the hospital bed and the doctor held him up and said It's a boy. He was my son. I loved him from that very moment. Each day, the love grows stronger even though he is on the other side of the world. Each day I wake up and feel like a piece of me is missing, a piece of my family, and dream about the day I will hold him in my arms forever.

So now, with the real possibility that James may not come home this year, my spirit is down and my heart is hurting. I do not want to miss another day, another birthday, another holiday. We have missed so many milestones and I don't want to continue to miss so many more.

I want the others that I have met on this journey to have their babies home too.

I want to hold my baby.

I want both my babies under one roof.

I want my family together forever.... soon.

Please continue to pray with me - we need a Miracle!

9 Months

Next week James turns 9 months old so you can imagine that I was quite surprised to get his well baby check today.


James is 28 inches tall ( which is < 25 % Percentile)

Since he is so far away this seems so tall. I imagine Zoey being just 38 inches now at almost four years old and imagine them running around together - her being just a head taller.

James is 9.2 kg or 20lbs. ( which is <50 % Percentile)

I pulled out Zoey's baby book to get an idea of his size. When Zoey was 10 months old she was 19lbs and 26 1/2 inches. She was always such a little peanut. Looks like baby brother might just look bigger in his pictures because Zoey was also 9 weeks premature.

Head Circumference < 25% Percentile

James is now eating 200cc or almost 7 ounces every four hours.

He got two new teeth for a total of 3. He has one on the top and 2 on the bottom. ( While I have Zoey's book out I find it fascinating that she also got her first two teeth at 8 months old. She then got her second two at nine months old as well)

He is still cute and fine :) but we all know that!!!

He is crawling and pulling up to a standing position holding on to things. Yikes!!!!!

and for the best part.....

I got a picture!!!!!!

Sweet Baby James got his packages.

This is James with his sweet Foster Mom. ( she had to be edited out because this is a public blog. You can check out the unedited picture on facebook if your my friend)

How cute is he??????

Adorable right?????

Oh, sweet baby James we can't wait to hold you. We can't wait to be blessed with your presence forever and ever. We love you from half way around the world and can't wait to have you home forever.

You have a wonderful big sister who asks about you every.single.day. She prays for you each night and is growing quite impatient. She can't wait to meet her baby brother.

I hope you can feel our love from the other side of the world James. xoxo

Kisses in the Wind - unknown

I hold you in my Heart and Touch you in my Dreams
You are here each day with me, at least that's how it seems.

I know you wonder where we are...what's taking us so long
But remember child, I Love You and God will keep you strong.

Now go outside and feel the breeze and Let it touch your skin...
Because tonight just as always, "I Blow You Kisses in the Wind."

May God hold you in his hand Until I can be with you.
I promise you my darling, I'm doing All that I can do.

Very soon you'll have a family for real, Not just pretend.
But for tonight, Just as always, I Blow you Kisses in the Wind.

May God wrap you in his arms and hold you very tight.
And let Angels bring the Kisses that I send to you each Night.

Legals

James' legals arrived on Thursday so we were back to the "hurry up" part of the process. You see in adoption you have two phases that you repeat over and over again. 'Hurry up" and "Wait." Sometimes, if your like me, you stalk a little too.

Over and over we have hurried and waited. We hurried and filled forms, medical clearances, got references, made copies, more forms, more copies and then waited. Then after the agonizing wait more forms and paperwork comes and we do it all over again.

Well, I am happy to report that we have officially completed our USCIS paperwork. We mailed it off with James legals and guess what we do now - if you said WAIT you catch on quick. :0) This is the last approval we need from immigrations so we can bring our precious boy into the country. I am hoping approval comes quick since we have been pre-approved through the I600A.

Unfortunately, so much still has to happen in Korea before we can bring James home and so much is still unknown in regards to the EP situation. I know everyone wants to know when he will be ready to come home and let me tell you we really want to know too. The waiting is harder then I imagined and each day it only gets harder.

So, back to those legals. Late at night on Thursday I took them out again and studied them. I looked them over and over and I understood very little because so much wasn't written in English. One thing stood out to me, a fingerprint.

The fingerprint of sweet baby James' birth mother. In my hand I held a piece of her. I imagined what it must have been like for her to place her print on the page as she prepared to say goodbye to our son. What she must have been thinking or feeling. Was she numb from the pain of her journey or had she found any peace in her day?

Seeing her print reminded me of how lucky I am ..... how blessed. I have so many wonderful people supporting us on this journey. So many people who love baby James and he is still half way around the world. James' first mother had nobody. No support. She placed him for adoption because essentially she didn't have much of a choice. How could she raise a baby alone, by herself, in a country that does not accept children born outside of wedlock.

Someday, I hope to meet her. I hope that James will have a connection to her. I hope that he will know that he has two mothers that love him very much. I hope he will understand that his birth mother wanted to give him more, that she wanted him to grow up in a world where he was accepted. I hope that I can be the kind of mother that she hoped for him. Most importantly, I hope he knows that she loved him very much.

The Ups & Downs

First I want to start by saying UGH!

When you begin the process of adoption the very FIRST thing your agency should tell you is GO GET AN AWESOME HIGH END PRINTER THAT WILL CAUSE YOU VERY LITTLE STRESS.

They should follow it up with make sure you buy LOTS and LOTS and Lots of paper and ink cartridges. Not 1 or 2 extras ..... we are talking 7 or 8 ...... MINIMUM.

If a huge thunderstorm wasn't brewing outside I would carry this piece of garbage printer who has let me down AGAIN right out to the garbage.

Yes, I am that angry at my printer.
I used to have a wonderful, high quality, 3 in 1 loyal Lexmark that never let me down - EVER. I upgraded my computer last year and my good ol Lexmark was no longer compatible. For $89 I became the proud owner of a new printer that was compatible with my computer but not so compatible with me.

Every.Single.Time. I have something important to do it fails me. Every.Single.Time.

Adoption requires lots and lots of paperwork. I swear - we are talking like several trees worth....and every single time it fails me.

James' legals came today and I needed several copies. I made sure we had ink and paper well ahead of time. I waited until I put Zoey to bed and thought to myself this wont take long. Right!!!! The freaking thing got me half way through the job and proceeded to torment me.

I just spent two hours fighting with a printer.

I really thought I could win. I even tried to take it apart with a screw driver. I begged, pleaded, and prayed. And the outcome, tomorrow I am going to Staples and this stinking printer is going in the garbage :)

On a positive note, we are blessed to have so many people supporting us on this incredible journey.

Immiadiatley I was able to vent to a fellow adoptive parent who is also adopting a little boy from Korea and has been such a big part of our journey. It is so nice to have someone out there that understands just how devestating being held up ( even if it is just a few hours by a stinking printer this time) in this process. It is so nice to have that support from someone going through the same experiences at the very same time. Please continue to pray for Nicki and her son Nate so that the hold up they are having is resolved quickly.

My family and friends have also been so supportive. It means so much to me to see how much all of you care about and love James already. I am thankful to each and every person for supporting us on this journey and for praying along with us that the rest of the process continues to go smoothly.

At the end of the day I am blessed - even if my printer lets me down Every.Single.Time.

Waiting...and Waiting...and Waiting

The Waiting....& Waiting ....& Waiting

Exactly one month ago today, on May 4th 2011, we were matched with our sweet baby James. Let me just tell you that these last 30 days have been the L.O.N.G.E.S.T. It feels like James has been with our family for an eternity and we are waiting for him to come home.

This MaMa bird has a tough time being away from her chicks. I still have never left Zoey alone overnight. Zoey still comes back to my nest (aka - the Serta PillowTop) late at night and crawls in between Anthony and I. We always laugh at the pitter patter of her feet and the loud slam of the door as she makes the 15 step journey.

I never imagined the waiting would be this hard. Sometimes time feels like it is standing still.

And the reality of us teetering on the edge of the EP situation is frightening.

(Korea only gives so many Emigration Permits for babies each year. Once they run out the babies have to wait until the next year. Last year they ran out with June referrals and they expect to run out earlier this year. All 3 other agencies have already made an announcement that the babies will come home in 2012)

We are praying that James makes it home this year - and ask everyone to please pray that both James and Nathaniel ( the son of a friend that I have met during the process) both make it home to their forever families in 2011 and that the EP situation does not prevent them from coming home till 2012.

While we have been waiting I have been preparing for James. His room is coming along and his furniture will be delivered today.

I have also been shopping. Holt was asking that families only send photos for the past few months. So, I prepared a book and some extra photos but just couldn't stop. I BROKE the rule.

Zoey made James his first build a bear ... so I had to send it.

And a toy ....we needed to send a toy.

Oh, and how could I resist teh cute polo rompers that he will be too big for when he comes home.

And since I was already breaking the rules why not add the little brother onsie and blanket.

How could I say no to Zoey for wanting to send the bunny she painted at school?

I took my package and mailed it off. I felt a little guilty for breaking the rule but something in me just couldn't send just the photobook. I kept it quiet so none of the other fellow AP parents would know that I was a big CHEATER.

But now, my conscience is clearer. Holt changed the policy just days after my package left the US bound for Japan to be transported to South Korea. ( thats the route the mail lady said they go - lol) So, maybe by the time my package arrived the policy had bene changed.


To celebrate - this MaMa - with the help of her MaMa shopped and shopped and packed that priority box full.

We squoze outfits, jammies, snacks, and toys...... cameras, weebles, treats for foster mom, and so much more. We reinforced it with packaging tape and it will be Seoul bound in a bit.

A care package is coming sweet baby James!!!!!

So, 30 days of waiting down. 30 L.O.N.G. days.

Looking forward to James coming home ........ can't be soon enough.