Adoption Loss

Adoption Loss

It is hard to think about how adoption is created through loss. I have been given this beautiful gift, to be a mother to James, but with my gift comes so many huge life changing losses for others involved.

James' birthmother suffered a huge loss the day that she placed him for adoption. She lost the child in which she is genetically connected to forever. She lost the son that she carried for forty weeks and gave the gift of life. I am certain through this that she lost a huge piece of herself that day.

I don't know much about James' birthmother but I know that she must have loved him so much. She loved him enough to want him to have more. She loved him enough to want him to grow up in a place where he would be accepted reguardless of who or where he came from. She loved him enough to want him to have a beautiful life - the kind of life that wouldn't be possible for him in his home county with the cultural stigma surrounding her.

James' birthmother had to love him more then anyone could imagine in order to have the strength to let him go. She chose to endure a lifetime of pain for the chance at giving her son more. Because she loved him she put his needs first. Because she loved him she has given me a huge gift and I will try my hardest to help him see everything she dreamed his life to be.

James' first mother will always have a place in my heart.

Unfortunately, James' birthmother isn't the only one who has to endure such loss. James' has already endured so much loss and in a few months he will lose more. He has lost the biological ties that bind him to another being. He has lost the mother who loved him enough to give him life and want for him to have more then she could give. He lost his first foster family who cared for him for five months and he will lose his second foster family when he comes home to his forever family. He will lose all the sights, sounds, and smells that belong to his birth country and the place that has been his home. For someone so small, he will essentialy lose so much.

But he will be our son...

And we will love him forever. We will comfort him in his grief and make sure he knows just how special he is. We will make sure he knows how much he is loved, not just by us, but by his birthmom too. We will do our best to make sure he has a beautiful life...... the kind of life all parents dream of for their kids..

LEGACY OF AN ADOPTED CHILD

Once there were two women who never knew each other
One you do not remember, the other you call Mother

Two different lives shaped to make you one
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun

The first one gave you life, and the second taught you to live it
The first gave you a need for love, the second was there to give it

One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name
One gave you a talent, the other gave you aim

One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears
One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried you tears

One made an adoption plan, that was all that she could do
The other prayed for a child, and God led her straight to you.

Now, which of these two women, Are you the product of?
Both, my darling, Both, Just two different types of love.
---- Unknown