Ready to get off the boat

Guess who turns 18 months old in just a few days?!?!?!

It is so hard to believe that he still is not home.

Most days I still cant believe how much the process has changed in just a short time.

I feel like I am on a big boat floating out at see with all of the others that are currently in the process to bring home their children. Like we all boarded this ship together and sailed out of the port. Before we got on board we all watched the same ship make the same journey over and over again. The previous journeys may have hit a little choppy water here and there but overall the route was known for being stable...predictable...strong. Until we boarded...

We boarded the boat and were told by the captain to expect a smooth journey and relatively calm waters. Then after a couple months at sea everything changed. What was supposed to be a short voyage grew in length month after month until suddenly the boat just stopped moving. It stopped moving and has been sitting in the middle of the ocean for months just waiting to finish the voyage.  Many times we heard that help was on the way... that the boat would move again.... that we would arrive at the destination. Now after being stuck at see for so long we are struggling...wondering if we will survive the voyage.  We know the captains are doing the best they can but sometimes  it is hard to find comfort knowing that these waters are uncharted territory for them as well. Others who took the journey before us call out and try to offer support to those on the boat now, and even though they have the best intentions, sometimes when they compare their voyage to this voyage its hard not to become more upset. Many of us have been on this boat for  11, 12, even 15 months sailing towards our babies that are approaching two years old.

We wish we could have been on any prior voyage because if we had we would be holding our babies at least 6 months ago. But instead, we are still stuck out at sea just now being able to see a hint of the shoreline.... still not knowing how much longer we have to go. We are tired... many of us have become sea sick.... and we are just clinging to one another trying to reach our destination.

It is hard to believe that James is turning 18 months old on Friday.  

It is hard to believe that his birth mother made the courageous choice to bring this sweet boy into the world  18 months ago. Although I have never met her she is one of the strongest people I know. I couldn't begin to imagine how hard it must be to choose to carry a child for nine months knowing that once you give them the gift of life you will say goodbye so that they can have the life you dreamed for them.

It is hard to believe that almost 11 months ago I became a mom again... that I was given this gift because half way around the world a brave woman wanted her sweet boy to have more then she could give him. Even though we may never meet we will always be connected because I know that we both love this little boy more then words can ever say. 

It may not be time to get off the boat but I can definitely see the shoreline. I know that James will soon join us in our home the same way he has joined us in our hearts.