7 MINUTES in Lancaster

On Father's Day the Wong's left town for a week in Lancaster. 

We had BIG plans!!!

Tickets to see Thomas, a day In Hershey, reservations to visit 

a real working farm (complete with milking a cow), Dutch Wonderland, 

and a horse and buggy ride. 

The kids were beyond excited and could not wait for daddy to get off work at 3:00 so we could pack the car and get on the road. At 3:30 the mini van pulled out of the driveway and James' first trip to Lancaster, PA was underway. 

At 5:00 we stopped to eat at Cracker Barrel. 

It was shaping up to be a great day!!! 

At 7:00 we arrived at the lodge. 

We got the room key and daddy went to the room . 

Mommy took the kids to the little swing set set near the country road. 

The kids were VERY excited!!! 

Zoey admired the flowers. 

Mama took pictures of course. 

They ran and played....

...James giggled in delight as he watched the "Buugy Horses" ride past...

...For about 7 minutes the kids had an awesome time. 

Then as I snapped this picture sweet baby James fell from the ladder of the slide, the slide that he went up and down with ease on just moments before. 

Time seemed to stand still. 

My poor baby boy was screaming on the ground so loud, yet the 10 feet that I had to run to get to him seemed miles away. It felt like I was moving in slow motion... and everything was blurry. 

Even though he didn't fall far, even though that visibly you could see nothing wrong with his arm, I knew that we had to go immediately to  the hospital. I knew the cry he was crying was one of horrible pain. I heard that cry before - it was that same gut wrenching cry that I listened to for hours when my poor boy realized that everything and everyone he knew in Korea was  gone and that Omma wasn't coming back. 

 The horrible cry that I prayed so hard to stop hearing because I couldn't stand to see this poor baby in so much emotional pain and grief was back, but this time his pain was physical. 

This time he cried my name as I held him. 

The ride to the hospital seemed like forever. 

I never imagined passing horse and buggies as we rushed our little boy to the hospital. 

Not once, not ever, in all my parenting dreams. 

Ironically, the ER entrance was located on James St. 

I held my big baby boy in the waiting room. 

In true James nature, he knows what he wants and isn't afraid to ask. 

Between the sobs and screaming I heard, "Rock you baby Mama". 

James loves to be rocked and sang too. We usually keep it to the privacy on his bedroom. 

So, what did this mama do? 

I rocked my baby of course. 

Right in the middle of the waiting room at Lancaster General, among the Amish that occupied the seats around us, I rocked my baby and sang the rock a by baby song.

And the Twinkle Twinkle Song. 

And the Wheels on the Bus. 

Thank God the wait was short and I am pretty sure I will never see any of those people again. 

I prayed it wasn't broken. 

James quickly learned if he was careful in his movements it wasn't so bad. 

By the time we go to x-ray he was calm. 

He was saying "cheese" during the x-rays even. 

I began to have hope that maybe it was just a sprain - that this wasn't so bad. 

Then the doctor came out and said he would need a cast - that he broke his elbow. 

We headed back to wait and then were told they needed more x-rays. 

Then we were told he needed surgery and an orthopedic was on his way. 

Then I panicked. 

It was late at this point, but I needed another opinion. 

I wasn't so sure of having James have surgery in Lancaster. 

I wanted a second opinion. 

So, I called my pediatricians office and called the on call nurse. 

The nurse got our doctor on the line. 

And our wonderful pediatrician discussed everything with us. 

He is kinda awesome like that. 

He didn't care that it was late or that we were 3 hours away. 

He just knew that I was a scared mama trying to make the best informed healthcare choice for my son. 

He thought James should see a pediatric ortho specialist. 

Lancaster did not have one. 

Since James wasn't in pain at this point we decided that we would make the trip back to New Jersey and have the surgery at the same children s hospital where Zoey was in the NICU. 

He slept most of the way. 

and for a few hours once we got home at almost 3:00am 

and then we headed to Jersey Shore. 

After several hours in the ER and a zillion more x-rays he was admitted. 

Little Man didn't mind - I think he though he was at an all inclusive. 

He walked around the unit like he owned it. 

He called all the nurses by name, walked the halls, drove the cozy coop. and loved the play room. 

Life is rough!!! 

Most of the time he was a rock star - but after a few days of no sleep he had his moments. 

He even rocked surgery. 

The nurses loved him there too. 

They thought he was hysterical and said they never had a patient wake up from surgery and the biggest concern they have be "Where James underpants". He asked everyone why he didn't have his underpants. 

No crying, no tears, the boy just wanted his underpants!!!!

45 minutes later he was back in his room eating and drinking -

and driving the cozy coupe ( under the influence) through the halls. 

This kid amazes me every single day. 

He is home and up and active - his biggest concern now, 

when can we go to the playground again ?!?!  

Ummm, no time soon!!! 

Lets get the cast off first!!!!

Happy to report, that next week we head back to Lancaster. 

This time I hope we make it much longer then 7 minutes. 

Where Did the Time Go?!?!

Where did the time go???

It seems like yesterday was the first day of school. 

How did September to June pass so quickly?

How is the year complete?

This mama is struggling with trying to figure out where the time went and how my baby is finished ...FINISHED...Kindergarten. 

I think this might be harder then wondering where the preschool years went...

...or even how she was turning five years old....

 because this last year she has just grown in so many ways. 

My baby headed off to school in September and now she is leaving as a little girl. 

(but she will ALWAYS be my baby girl)

She learned to read and write...addition and subtraction.

She learned about the solar system and holiday traditions. 

She lost her first tooth. 

Participated in her first Cheer showcase. 

Went to her first wedding. 

Q + U FOREVER

She participated in her first show. 

Arbor Day!!! 

And received her first "earned" school award. 

Which she gracefully walked across the stage and proudly displayed. 

 She completed her first year as a Daisy. 

Confidently walked the runway in a Career Day Fashion Show. 

She became so much more confident. 

She got taller too. 

I am so blessed to have been there for all of her milestones. So blessed to have been invited into class to share Chinese New Year traditions and celebrate parties and do crafts with the kids. 

I loved picking out spirit week attire and working on Star Student projects. I loved being one of her troops Daisy leaders and loved all that there was to celebrate. 

I couldn't think of a better place for Zoey to go to school then the PLC. 

I am so proud of how she has grown during her time there. 

I am so proud of her. 

She worked incredibly hard this year. Not just on the academics, which so far have come fairly easy to her, but on so many other things. She worked hard in Occupational Therapy and Physical Therapy - for most of the year doing 5-6 hours a week of just therapies alone. She met her goals and physically has started to get stronger. 

She worked hard in speech as well. It is so hard to believe that just a few years ago we were working with early intervention because at almost three she had very limited verbal communication and now she uses her robust vocabulary words in everyday conversation. 

She overcame so many of her anxieties. She got on stage numerous times and enjoyed it. She learned to read her body and communicate to me that her heart was beating so fast but she liked it and wanted to keep trying it again. She learned to separate easily from me and really loved going to school - every . single . day. 

She has taught me so much this year. 

I worried so much about her from the moment she was born. 

I would stroke her tiny arm through the porthole of her incubator wondering what kind of road we were looking at. I worried about how being born premature would affect her. I worried about immunizations and why she needed to wear an Apnea monitor for 8 long months because sometimes she needed to be reminded to breathe. I worried about her anxiety and her speech and her allergies. I just worried. 

This year she taught me that she is going to be just fine. 

Better then fine. 

Its easy to be proud of the things that come easy to your children. 

Its easy for me to be proud that Zoey excels in math and that she is reading at a higher then expected level.  

Its so much harder to find beauty in the small successes but those surely are the most Beautiful successes. 

This year I found beauty in watching my daughter go to more birthday parties then I can count. 

I was one proud mama seeing her hold the invitations while asking if she could go to xyz's party.

I was proud because I remembered the time when my baby was too scared to 

go to a party with so many people.  

I found beauty is watching the excitement of my little girl happily get on the bus each morning because she was happy and excited to go to school. 

I was so proud that she wanted to try new activities because there was a time when she would have much rather spend her time in her safe place - her home. 

I found beauty in her enthusiasm to make new friends and have play dates. 

This year I am just incredibly proud for all that she has overcome and for all that she has grown. 

I am proud to have a daughter with such a kind heart. 

A daughter who tries her best to be caring and considerate. 

A daughter who has brought me more joy then I could have ever imagined. 

  

Wow!!! What a difference a year makes!!!

Last week, May 18th, marked 1 year since I finally held James in my arms again 

after having to say good-bye in Korea and continue to wait. It marked one year that Daddy and Zoey

met him for the very first time. Most importantly, it marked one year that we became a family of four. 

To celebrate we of course had to start the day with a cake pop just like he had on his very first outing in America - to Target of course!!! Nothing like Starbucks and Target as a first trip. 

 May 23, 2012

May 18, 2013 

Just amazing how much my baby has changed in a year. 

He is growing up WAY TOO FAST!!! 

I also find it so sweet that every single time he gets a special cake pop at Target he always picks pink - just like his very first visit. 

AT ONE YEAR HOME

32 months old

Favorite Foods: 

Everything!!! He no longer says "KaKa" for snack and is very precise in saying exactly what he wants as a snack. He loves fruit - Strawberries, grapes, watermelon, oranges, apples and he still likes bananas too. He loves treats and asks for "special treat" all day long. He also loves "special ice cream drink" - aka - fruit smoothies. This boy loves to go out to eat too - whenever I stop somewhere new that he has never been he usually asks me if it is time to "eat eat". He still likes his seaweed but the last time we went out for Korean he was kinda peeved that they didn't have a "burga and french fry" or "scaggeties". 

Favorite Toys:

Still loves everything with wheels but fire trucks are his absolute favorite- and buses aren't far behind.  He likes to play trains on his train table, doll house, puzzles, blocks, and of course EVERYTHING that sister plays. He loves playing doctor, cooking, and taking care of baby dolls.  He recently started playing board games (Candy Land and Chutes and Ladders) but still needs some help at turn taking. He loves the Ipad and works it quite well. 

Achievements:

James amazes us every day. He has been in big boy underwear all the time since he was 28 months old. He has Mickey, Thomas, and Jake but prefers his little man boxer briefs. He knows all of his colors, shapes, and the majority of his letters. He understands the concept of having one and having two. He also has learned to clean up his toys very well. He is counting (although not always in order), sings Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, "Rock the Baby", and most of  his favorite song "The Wheels on the Bus". He had an Early Intervention evaluation a few months ago and scored above average in all areas except speech which was average - which they thought was great being he wasn't even home a year yet and English wasn't the first language he heard and spoke. 

Stayed the Same: 

Little man did not keep very much of his Korean language so what he does still use I love to hear. 

He no longer calls me Omma :( now I am  Mommy. 

He still asks for "ah-boo-bah" when he wants to get on my back (we don't do it as often anymore) or when he wants a baby doll tied onto his back. 

He still calls his blanket "Chikim" which some of us adoptive mama's found to mean "go to sleep". 

He answers to Jun-ha and we still use Hajima. 

Random Facts:

When James came home he pushed us away as he grieved. He did not want to be rocked. Now, several times a day he will climb up in my lap and tell me to "rock my baby".  Talk about melt my mama heart. I might not have been able to rock him at a week old, a month old, or even a year old - but at two + years he lets me rock and cuddle him all the time. 

James has a picture of him and his Omma ( his foster mother who took care of him in Korea). When he started calling me Omma (which he did on his own) I was quiet honored because he finally saw me as someone who meant so much to him, someone who met his needs and cared for him for so long. Now, when he looks at the picture from Korea he recognizes himself as the baby in the photo and sometimes will look at me and look at the pictures and say "2 mama". Smart boy knows exactly what a mother is. It doesn't matter if they are an Omma or Mama or Mommy - what matters is whats in the heart. 

James came home a pretty great sleeper. We still co-slept for months (James has never slept in a crib) because that was what he was used to in Korea. We would take turns sleeping in his room with him so he never slept in our room. In December we started having him sleep on his own and aside from waking early we had no issues. Then about 3-4 months ago we started hearing the pitter patter of little feet and all of a sudden he would be in my bed. Now, he comes every night. Sometime between 2 and 6 he finds his way into the middle of the bed and snuggles right up with me. Some nights at bedtime he even tries to get over on me. He will drag me in my room, point to one end of the bed and say "Daddy bed"...point to the other end and say "Mommy bed" and then point right in the middle with his larger then life smile and say "Jame bed mama, Jame bed". While we always make him start out in his bed, he always ends up in ours. 

And I am pretty okay with that. I know, like Zoey, it wont last forever. So, for a little while longer we just want him to be little. 

Little guy has a love for bedtime stories. He asks for one more over and over and over again. 

I draw the line at 12. 

He listens and focuses and studies the pictures. 

Some favorites: Baa Baa Bedtime, 10 in the Bed, Max and Ruby, Biscuit, Good Night Moon, All the Ways I Love You, Sleep Tight Kitty, and my childhood favorite The Pokey Little Puppy. 

He also has started reading himself. ;) I will hear him in his room trying to retell a story I read him while looking at the pages and always ending with The End. 

Still can't believe what a difference a year makes. 

Can we freeze time? 

Because my baby is turning into a big boy way too fast!!!!

5/26/2013

Pulling back

Not sure why I haven't updated in so long...

it definitely has not been because I don't have anything to

write....but more like the Wong's are out there living life - like big time,

and something always ends up on the back burner...

and this time it was the one place I used to prioritize, the place

that I made sure to come to and update so that one day when if James

wants to know what what the process was like on this side

of the world, my feelings and thoughts...some of the tough stuff...

this blog has captured it and recorded it just as it was.

The good, the bad, the hard...all of it.

It is so hard to believe that this time one year ago,

I was in the middle of planning a trip half way around the world with

five days notice and that we are almost at the one year anniversary of

one of the top days of my entire life.

April 10th, 2012, I woke up in Seoul, South Korea.

As I watched the sunrise over the city I was so thankful to finally be waking up

in the same city as my son. I was thankful that after two years in process, after carrying him in my heart for just about a year, after the uncertainty in the process and worrying that he was never coming home...I was thankful to be finally meeting the sweet boy that I already loved so much.

And at 2:15pm at our agency in Seoul, South Korea a new mama held her son

for the very first time.

What an amazing moment, looking back I still don't know how I had the strength to

get back on the airplane without him....but in hindsight I am so thankful that we had that time

together in Korea even if it meant the single toughest goodbye..EVER.  I am so blessed to have had the chance to see James' personality before we all trucked through the hard stuff...before he lost everything he had known...before the grieving...before we were all sleep deprived and wondering how we would all survive another ten minutes let alone the rest of forever.

I was blessed to know the free spirited, smile larger then life, silly , cuddly, sometimes mischievous tiny tot who came out with me for the day like he had known me for a lifetime...who was active and adventorous...

who wore himself out and then slept so peacefully in a cab back to

 Holt moments before it was time to say goodbye.

I was so very blessed to have those moments because

now that we have been home just about a year

I know that WE HAVE ARRIVED.



The Wong Family is a little over a month away from that one year mark and WE SURVIVED.

We survived the first year of international adoption and toddler adoption -

 there should be some kind of award for all of us. 

That happy, smiling, care free little boy I met in Korea is a happy, smiling, care free boy

in New Jersey...just a little bit bigger.

And he is AMAZING.

Gone are the days that we couldn't communicate... The days that I would cry just wishing I knew what to say to this sad scared little boy as he grieved the loss of his foster family that cared for him for so long. Gone are the days that everything I served him was pushed away and he refused to eat....or the days that I would try to talk to him with the small amount of Korean I knew as he looked at me perplexed...if he could talk back then he would probably have said "give it up lady".

Those days are gone because James is now rocking it - like big long sentences rocking it.

Even if his favorite is "No, I don't want too" he is rocking it.

He has lots to say.... sometimes over and over and over again.

James has a motto  - if at first you don't succeed try and try again.

"Mama - ice cream Paaalease"

"No James, we dont have ice cream in the morning"

"Mama - Ice cream Paaalease"

"No James"

"Mama Ice cream Paaalease"

You get the picture :)

Gone are the days that I worry if these two will ever be able to exist together.

That first month home I really worried.

I cried the first days home when my logical four year old suggested that "maybe he wants to go back to Korea" and I cringed when a month later she shouted "Send him back".

The truth is becoming a big sister after being an only child is tough...

but becoming a big sister to a 20 month old grieving toddler is REALLY TOUGH.

At four years old, adoption is a hard concept to understand.

I remember just days before James came home, Zoey asked me

where James' mommy was going to sleep. Why we didn't have a room for her.

The mommy that she was thinking of was his foster mother, the kind woman that was in his pictures each month as we waited to bring him home, it was his Omma.

After a few nights home, all of us a little delirious from lack of sleep, Zoey revisited that thought again.

She knew what he wanted, she shouted it out , "I told you that you should have brought his mommy".

That  night I knew that it couldn't get any worse.

It was chaos...we were all exhausted...physically, emotionally, and even a little bit spiritually. 

James' grief was big and even I felt helpless.

If bringing him back to Korea, back to his foster mother, was a real "forever" solution

I think I would have gotten on the first flight back. Not because I didn't love him, and not because I couldn't handle it, but because I had already loved him so much that it hurt to see him grieve. It hurt to have him push me away and call for Omma because I wanted to take away his pain, I didn't want him to suffer.

Big Sister got it. She knew that this little boy needed a mommy and I was not cutting it.

Those days are so far gone.

Slowly, my baby and I found the same rhythm.

Slowly, he opened his heart and let my love in.

Slowly, he realized I was his mother - he even called me Omma.

Slowly, I watched my two greatest joys find joy in one another.

I watched the love between them blossom, and grow.

Slowly, I watched them forever becoming brother and sister -

joined in their hearts. ♥

Gone are the days that I wonder if a temper tantrum is attachment related or if

my strong willed son just really wants to play outside in the rain.

Gone are the days that we eat 15 lollipops a day, because James likes them, and if I am

the keeper of the lollipops then maybe, just maybe he will let me in.

Gone are the days of post placement visits, court appearances, and paperwork. 

We arrived...we are family.

I have a mama's boy who loves to snuggle - and I love it.

He loves to give kisses and is super sweet.

I have a baby girl who loves her brother so much, and a baby boy who

looks up to his big "sissstaaa".

And a daddy who loves them both so much.

And in this family, we keep an extra special spot for some very special people half way around the world. The foster families who cared for our sweet son until he had a forever family, and an amazing woman who gave this amazing little boy the gift of life.

Pulling Back

So now, the pulling back part. A few weeks ago I read the blog of another adoptive family that really made sense. She wrote about how they are home and settled and maybe its time to say goodbye to inviting the whole world in, to putting everything out there, and for me it made sense.

Like her, I loved having this blog as a creative outlet, as a place to put into words the emotions in my heart.

But I am only one part of this huge dynamic situation, and one day James might not like that I chose to share my feelings about our journey with the world.

So, as we approach one year home, we will be also approaching another ending.

While I will continue to blog about the daily happenings and the joy my kids bring, I will be pulling back and blogging  much less about adoption. I will also be having this blog printed, put away, and then removing the posts that one day James might not want to share with the world.

Because the truth is while adoption is beautiful, with the beauty also comes loss.

And so much of our family story is his story.

He might not care that I shared with the world those first days,

but maybe he will.

And now, as he gets older, it is our job to protect his back story....

And  after almost a year home, the story that we have written

together the past 11 months is very much part of his back story...

One day James might want to share what he knows about his life in Korea

or how he grieved the loss of his Omma...but it will be his story to tell.

But for now, he is just the sweet little boy who was born in "Kia" is "2" and flew home on the "big awplane".