After all the months of praying and dreaming.... hoping and wishing...begging and pleading it was so hard to believe that I really was standing right outside this building and that within minutes I would be meeting the son that I already loved so much.
It was so hard to believe that this was really where our story began.... that after months and months of paperwork and fingerprints....updates and pictures...that behind those walls a mother would be meeting her son for the very first time...and I was that mother.
My heart was beating out of my chest. I had waited for this moment, imagined it, dreamed it, and now after waiting so long the dream was finally coming true. I was moments from knowing the little boy that grew in my heart everyday since I first saw his sweet face.
I walked inside and immiadiately noticed the room where all of James' pictures had been taken. My friend Kristen and I then went upstairs and DJ came right out to meet us. I swear that alone was enough to make me cry. Here I was hugging the woman who decided that James was meant to be part of our family - of all the babies she had waiting for families she knew that James was meant to be a Wong - that I was meant to be his mother. She was so sweet which helped ease my nerves as I waited for James to arrive.
She brought us to the waiting room and it was hard to hold back the tears. It was the same room that my friend Karen was in the same room the day she met my sweet boy. The same room that she hugged him and held him in while my heart was hurting because I was missing his first birthday. I memorized that room each time I watched the video of that day.... each time I looked at the pictures...and now I was standing in that very same room about to hold my son. The feeling was surreal. It was the one thing I had dreamed of every single night before falling asleep.... it was my day dream when I would get lost in thought.... it was the moment I thought of with every piece of paperwork and every hard setback....and now it was here. It was happening.
On April 10th 2012 at 2:00PM I was in Seoul Korea meeting my son.
It was like everything that ever happened in my life somehow led me to this moment and finally it was all making sense. That this was all in Gods perfect timing and plan. I was always confident that I was led towards adoption because the thought was planted in my heart.... and that we decided on Korea because we just knew that was where our child was. At this moment though, it was like the sky opened up... the angels were singing...and God was telling me that all that I had experienced and endured was for this special gift. That I was blessed to have not one child that was a miracle, but two.
He walked in the room and he was perfect. Better then perfect. The tears slid down my cheeks and for the first time all the pain, the long wait, the setbacks that made my days bitter all slid away with the tears. He looked into my water filled eyes as I wiped the tears away and I knew I had to be strong so my big happy ugly cry wouldnt scare him.
I gave him his new Pororo microphone and he loved it. He handed it to me over and over again so I could make it sing his favorite character songs. He was adorable - everything I dreamed and so so much more.
He was so easy going and so much fun.
After a few minutes I picked him up and held him.
My empty arms were full. They were no longer yearning to hold the son that was a half of world away.
Instead, we were together, mother and son. I couldn't take even a second to stop and think that this was just a visit and that in a few days that big ocean would seperate us again...that we would be a 1/2 a world apart...because in that moment we were together and that is all my heart and arms could know. I couldn't let that steal my joy. Instead, I made the most of every single second in that room. I didn't need to look at the cup as half full.... my cup was overflowing....spilling out with love, with happiness, with so much joy.
Still, days later, it is hard to put into words everything that I felt that day
and during the second day we visited with him
But one thing I know is that I have been so very BLESSED.
So LUCKY that I get to be his mother.
So THANKFUL to all those who helped us find the little boy who was destined to be our son.
So JOYED that pretty soon I get to be his MaMa at home in America.
That we will have all the minutes in an hour and all the hours in a day to be together...forever...forever a family.
They say "An invisible red thread connects those destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstances. The thread may stretch or tangle, but never break." - Ancient Chinese Proverb
Tonight, my heart hurts being an ocean apart again.
Tonight I wish I was in Seoul again.... laughing with my sweet boy.
Tonight I have to remind myself that James will be home forever so soon.
That my cup will be overflowing again...
overflowing with happiness when James comes home and makes us a family of four....
together....all under one roof.
We are all waiting patiently ( well I am waiting not too sure of that patient part) sweet boy.
Love you and Miss you more then words can ever say.
Hoping you feel the love on the other end of that red thread - xoxo
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